Friday, June 18, 2010

Bless the Broken Road

I realized that sometimes I get so wrapped up in the PPD stuff that I forget to blog about how lucky I am.  I should have done this yesterday for "Thankful Thursday" but better late than never, right?

Yes, I have had some challenges since I became a mom -a colicky, fussy baby with reflux who became a toddler with a speech delay and potential sensory issues, not to mention my PPD, inter-mingled with being an orphaned adult myself - and no, I don't love being a mom. Yet.  But I DO love my son and I DO count my blessings every day and despite the sometimes rocky road, I feel lucky...
  • I have a child.  I have known so may families who still/have struggle(d) with trying to have a family of their own.  I KNOW I am lucky. 
  • He's healthy. Yes, he has reflux but even if he is on medication for the rest of his life, I know that's nothing compared to the challenges many other families face.  It's not life threatening and he can live a normal, healthy life.
  • I had PPD - it was hard.  It was the most horrible, dark place I have ever been but I got through it because I have a husband and doctor who support me and guide me.
There's the almost cliched saying: "What doesn't kill one makes one stronger."  I think it's true.  It's the challenges in life that that shape us into who we are.  Sometimes we need the rocky road to appreciate the smooth drive.

For our wedding song, my husband and I chose Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts because it summed up how our life together came to be.  I heard it on the radio this morning and realized, in many respects, it still holds true today.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Full Plate

Sometimes I feel like our family's plate is too full and if one more thing gets placed on it, it's going to break.  Or at least crack. Do you ever feel this way or is it just me?  Just when my husband and I think we have enough to worry about, and therefore just must be at our limit, something gets added to the list.  Ugh.  That being said, I'm sorry I'm neglecting my blog.  Priorities, you know?  I need to get things a little more settled on the homefront.  As always, thanks for your patience.

Our son is being evaluated for some sensory issues.  We're hoping he gets approved for occupational therapy.  Getting through the days can be a very difficult task which many times (probably at least 2-3 times a week, if not more) has me in tears and at my breaking point.  Often even before noon.  Making my life more frustrating are the people who don't understand and refuse to believe he has a problem.  This is nothing new; since he was an infant we've struggled with friends and family who just don't "get it."  But that's getting old.  And when frustration gets old, I think it sometimes sends one towards their breaking point. You ignore it for a while but it eventually eeks back in reminding you that you should deal with it. I feel like I'm lacking an adequate support system and often feel like this just might push me to the edge enough to backslide into that darn PPD place again.  I'm hoping I still have the tools in place to prevent that from happening but as many other PPD bloggers have written before me, I often wonder/worry, from time to time, if I'm really through it.  These are the days I long to move away; back "home" to the Southern California sun and it's familiarity (family in tow, of course).  But I digress....

Katharine Stone at Postpartum Progress has a great response piece to the PPD debate that has recently hit the "mommy blogger" community.  If you are a personal friend or family member, I ask that you please read it.  Even if you don't know me, I encourage you to read it.  Katherine very eloquently responds to recent negative comments about/to mothers dealing with PPD.  If you don't understand PPD (and, truly, unless you've lived it you probably can't comprehend it), Katharine's piece might give you some insight.  (Yes, all the links in this paragraph take you to the same place.  I wanted to make sure you get there.)

Thursday, June 10, 2010

A Moving Thought

I don't think it's any big secret to those who know me personally that my husband and I have been toying with the idea of moving.  We're in that "do we stay here/stay local/stay regional/or maybe move-cross- country-back-to-my-roots?"  phase of thinking.  Nothing is imminent, if it even happens at all, but still a huge factor in our considerations has been my battle with PPD.  We wonder: would being closer to family/friends help?  What if we have another; then where do we want to be and when?  If we move, do we do it before or after any potential future munckins?  A lot of factors to consider for sure.  That's why I was glad to see this piece, from Postpartum Progress, as a reminder of how moving can be a stressor for PPD:
"...This move also reminds me how stressful moving is, which is why it is no surprise that an event like this can be a risk factor for postpartum depression. It's very unsettling not knowing where everything is, dealing with your children's discomfort in being uprooted, feeling like you are in a foreign place..."  (Read More...)