Thursday, December 29, 2011
So This is What it's Like
Today I'm metaphorically dusting off my long neglected blog. I think about it often; I just don't seem to find the time to visit. A lot has happened since my last post. First and foremost, we welcomed our second son in early November. I was prepared, perhaps even expecting, another round of PPD. I'm happy to report that, thus far at least, the beast has failed to rear it's ugly head again. I know I'm not out of the woods yet but I can't even begin to express what a different parenting experience this has been so far. It does help that this little guy is a much calmer and contented baby than our four year old was as a newborn but I also know I feel different with that fact aside.
I have my moments to be sure. We struggle with our four year old's sensory difficulties and multiple therapies and that adds stress for sure. There are moments (yesterday for one) where I just want to "quit." But the moments pass and I move on. THIS is different. In the throes of PPD, the moments never passed. Ever. I didn't sleep and I didn't enjoy any aspect of parenting a newborn. The fact that I am sleeping in the sense that I can fall asleep if/when the opportunity presents itself is monumental to me. With DS#1, there was no sleep even when baby slept. I'm struggling with nursing issues again but I had one blissful first week were my baby actually nursed and didn't scream. There was no formula to come home from the hospital with. Later jaundice issues would interfere with our attempts to establish nursing patterns but, despite some sad tears here and there, I'm dealing with it and haven't given up yet. Again, the moments pass.
I know this isn't the most eloquent of blog posts. I'm not editing it and re-writing it the way I want to but if I limited myself to blog post perfectionism, I'd never publish a post! So please forgive the stream of consciousness writing and all its typos. I just wanted to share that PPD doesn't always have to happen. Sometimes, things go the way they should. So hold out hope. It will get get better and it doesn't always have to be.
Oh and P.S. - I'm happy.
at 11:17 AM